Early Morning Deer Spotting and State Tests

This morning I walked out of my dorm and saw three deer.

Now, that doesn't sound very impressive but it was mystical experience. The crisp early morning air, the radiant colors of the dawn sky, the dew making the grass a richer green, and a startled doe, close enough for me to tackle.

However, I restrained my impulse to tackle said deer.

So.

I looked at the deer. The deer looked at me.

It seemed I had startled the doe with my presence, and it decided that it could find just as tasty food, without the human pest, across the road. It began to walk away when another deer appeared from behind a tree, almost like magic.

They greeted each other, then stared at me. I stared back.

A third deer joined the starefest.

After a quick huddle, it seemed they all agreed that the grass was greener on the other side (of the road) and trotted away, while a car decided that now was the time to appear. They made it to the neighbor's lawn before the car reached them, thus avoiding destroying the beautiful morning calm with a horrific crash and deer guts splattered across the street.
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On another note, I took the State CNA test and I feel pretty good about how I did. However, I'm not sure I understand the logic of the test that says "you are worthy of being the person who takes care of multiple persons' essential and daily needs" being 100 multiple choice questions. Don't get me wrong. It's a heck of a lot easier to do than, say, 100 essay questions.

Still, wouldn't actually putting us in our working environment and having us show that we have the skills and knowledge needed be a better and more accurate test of our abilities? But I suppose that's what the class is for. To prepare us for the actual job, and the test is a formality.

A formality that determines whether or not you actually are a CNA. Which is kind of the opposite of a formality. But, whatever. I should know whether I passed or not in the next 3-4 weeks.

Mimes and the Trees That Fall on Them.

So, my friend (of Stupid Decisions Anonymous fame) asked me this age-old question.

If a tree falls in the forest, and hits a mime, does anyone care?

To which I replied, "The mime cares. But probably no one else does. Except maybe scavengers like vultures and stuff."

And he promptly returned with, "Do mimes have feelings?"

Now that was a good question.

So I thought. And I pondered. And I speculated. I even tried to get into the mind of a mime, to be a mime, so to speak. It was a cold barren place, devoid of life. I will not go there again.

After I recovered from my self-induced torture, I replied.

"They were originally human, so I imagine it's like becoming part of the Borg. Under the right stimuli they can remember what it was to feel. And if they're really lucky, they'll experience a flicker of feeling again. But then they return to their respective Borg/mime mindset as if nothing happened.

 But that's all speculation. Most likely they're nothing more than an empty shell."

"Is being smashed with a tree the right stimuli?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking more emotional stimuli, like being ordered to torture your former family or something. But a tree would be painful. I think a mime can still feel pain, because that's not an emotion," I said after a couple moments.

"True," answered my friend, "but could they care that they feel pain?"

I pondered some more.

"That I don't know. I would imagine that they want to stop the pain. And that would entail getting away from what's causing you pain. Which would be hard to do if there is a tree on top of you..."

At which point we abandoned the conversation and talked about other things and my other friends kept commandeering my computer and I had to beat them off with blunt instruments because it's my computer, dangit!

But I kept thinking about this hypothetical mime under this hypothetical tree in the back of my mind. And I realized that I was looking at this all wrong. The mime's (not) feelings didn't matter so much. The tree's did.

The tree would care.

The tree would care because it fell. And not only did it fall, it fell on a creepy former-human, which may or may not be able to feel pain. Who knows what mental and emotional trauma comes from falling on a mime? It would be deeply disturbed and distressed by this turn of events in it's life. How did come to fall in the first place? Was it a freak storm? A lumberjack? Was the said mime responsible or just an innocent in this affair? (as innocent as a mime can be) What was this mime doing in the middle of a forest anyway?

And there is a very severe lack in details about the tree that fell. Is it old? Is it deciduous? Was it healthy? Did creatures live in/on it?

There isn't enough to go on, to truly understand what happened.

I will never know what happened in that hypothetical forest, where a hypothetical tree fell on a hypothetical mime. But I will always wonder.

Toilets and Tampons

My dorm toilets are picky. They'll take a massive load of crap, but if I need to flush a tampon, suddenly they can't handle it. It's a freakin' tampon.

It must be a man's toilet.

So now I have to throw my used tampons in my trashcan, which is pretty gross for any visitors I might have. (actually, i never have visitors, so it's all good) And it's annoying to be ready to answer the call of nature and suddenly having to scurry into my room with my pants around my ankles, to drag the trashcan back to my bathroom praying I don't drip, just to throw away a tampon.

Fortunately, I only have to go through this once a month. But I can't wait until I get a house with a toilet that isn't a pansy.

God of War and Douchery (here be spoilers)

I have a friend who loves the God of War franchise. Often when I come over to visit, he plays part of one of the games at some point. I'm no gamer, but I enjoy watching others play, especially when it's a story driven game. So I've learned a lot about God of War from him.

When I first heard about God of War and, specifically, it's protagonist I had one thought. "Kratos (the protagonist) is a douche." Having learned more about the franchise and it's hero (i use the term loosely here) I still hold to my original view. However, it's tempered by the knowledge that everyone else is a douche too.

Kratos lives in a world of douchery. The gods are douches, the people are douches, the creatures are douches. Anyone who attempts not to be a douche dies. Anyone who is a douche also dies, albeit in a more violent and grotesque manner and after a nice long life of douchiness. The point is, you can't win in Kratos' world. But you'll live longer if you're a douche.

See for yourselves. (Chains of Olympus, Ghost of Sparta and Betrayal are not in this synopsis. also, certain events may be out of order. i'm sorry if this is so, let me know and i'll try to fix it)

Before God of War
*Chaos*
*Gaia and Uranus come from the Chaos*
*They make love and have lots of babies*
*Uranus is a douche*
*Uranus throws his kids into Tartarus*
*Tartarus is a bad place*
*Gaia is pissed*
*Gaia makes sickle*
*Gaia asks her kids to use sickle to castrate Uranus*
*Why can't Gaia do it herself? Because she's a douche*
*Cronos castrates his father, Uranus*
*Gaia warns Cronos that his kids will destroy him*
*Cronos does the only logical thing and eats his children*
*Children are gods and don't die in his stomach*
*God-children are bored out of their minds*
*Rhea, their mother, is pissed*
*Rhea sends last child, Zeus, to Gaia*
*Rhea feeds Cronos a rock instead*
*Gaia raises Zeus*
*Zeus decides to take down his father*
*Zeus takes down his father*
*Zeus frees his siblings*
*Zeus and siblings throw Cronos in Tartarus*
*Zeus and siblings throw a lot of other Titans into Tartarus*
*Said Titans hadn't really done anything*
*Kind of a douche move, guys*
*Gaia is pissed*
*Gods rule Olympus*
*Zeus gets it on with the human, Callisto*
*Callisto gives birth to Kratos*
*Callisto raises Kratos, tries to teach him not to be a douche*
*Callisto fails*
*Kratos joins Spartan army*
*Spartans are kinda douchey*
*Kratos falls in love with Lysandra*
*Lysandra is not douchey*
*Kratos marries Lysandra*
*Lysandra gives birth to Calliope*
*Calliope is not douchey*
*Kratos is a happy man*
*Kratos is still a douche*
*Kratos fights barbarians*
*Kratos starts to lose*
*Kratos is about to be killed by barbarian chieftain*
*Kratos calls out to Ares for aid*
*Ares helps Kratos*
*Kratos wins battle*
*Kratos is now Ares' faithful servant*
*Ares is a douche*
*Kratos does douche things for Ares*
*Ares decides that Kratos' family is holding him back from his true douche potential*
*Ares tricks Kratos into killing his family*
*Kratos is devastated*
*Kratos is pissed*
*Ares is amused*
*Ares is a douche*
*Kratos has nightmares about killing his family*
*Kratos seeks the gods help*
*Gods are like "do things for us and we'll take your nightmares away"*
*Kratos does things for the gods*
*Gods don't take nightmares away*
*Kratos is pissed*
*Gods are douches*
God of War
*Gods decide Ares is a douche*
*Gods want Ares dead*
*Gods ask Kratos to kill Ares*
*Kratos agrees if they'll finally take his nightmares away*
*Gods agree to do this*
*Kratos goes on a long, epic quest to get Pandora's Box to kill Ares*
*Ares kills Kratos*
*Kratos dies*
*Kratos gets better*
*Kratos opens Pandora's Box*
*Evils in Pandora's Box corrupt gods, making them douchier than before*
*Kratos gets power-up*
*Kratos fights Ares*
*Ares is a douche*
*Kratos kills Ares*
*Gods are freaked out that Kratos actually managed to kill a god, despite the fact they wanted him to do it*
*Kratos asks for his nightmares to be removed*
*Gods split hairs and don't take his nightmares away*
*Gods are douches*
*Kratos tries to commit suicide*
*Athena stops Kratos and offers him the (now empty) position of god of war*
*Athena is less douchey than the other gods*
*Kratos accepts*
God of War II
*Kratos helps the Spartans conquer Greece*
*Gods are unhappy about this*
*Zeus tricks Kratos into losing his powers*
*Zeus kills Kratos*
*Zeus was afraid Kratos would kill him*
*Zeus kills Spartans, because he can*
*Zeus is a douche*
*Gaia wants to kill Zeus and other gods*
*Gaia saves Kratos*
*Gaia offers to team up*
*Kratos wants to kill Zeus*
*Kratos accepts her help*
*Kratos goes on epic quest to change Fate*
*Kratos kills a lot of people*
*Kratos kills the Fates*
*Kratos goes back in time*
*Kratos frees the Titans*
*Kratos beats up Zeus*
*Athena tries to stop Kratos from killing Zeus*
*Kratos accidentally kills Athena*
*Kratos is sad*
*Zeus escapes*
*Kratos finds out Zeus is his father*
*Kratos is pissed*
*Kratos attacks Olympus with Titans*
God of War III
*Death and douchery ensue*
*Titans betray Kratos*
*Titans are douches*
*Kratos is pissed*
*Kratos kills a lot of gods and Titans*
*Athena (in ghost form) offers to help Kratos*
*Kratos accepts*
*Kratos needs Pandora's Box*
*Zeus puts Pandora's Box in the Flame of Olympus*
*Pandora is the key to sealing the Flame of Olympus, meaning she has to die to unseal the Box*
*Pandora reminds Kratos of his daughter, Calliope*
*Pandora is not a douche*
*Kratos gets attached to Pandora*
*Pandora dies*
*Pandora's Box is empty, meaning Pandora died for nothing*
*Kratos is pissed*
*Kratos kills Zeus*
*Athena reveals herself to be a douche*
*Kratos has the power of Hope*
*Athena wants it to rule the world*
*Kratos kills himself, releasing Hope to all mankind*
*Athena is pissed*
*Kratos may not be dead*
*God of War IV?*

I rest my case.

I've come to love God of War, talking with my friend and watching him play. But man, everyone's a douche!

Nothing much to say

Other than that I finally won a chess game. Yeah!

I suck at chess, but I happened to be in the same room as the chess club last night. And whenever people are playing a game and having fun, I feel the desire to join in. I'm nosy like that. So I did. I lost my first two games, but that was to be expected. I was going up against regulars here. But my last match was against a man who was as much an amateur as me, he just played a little bit more than I did. We both made silly mistakes and had accidentally brilliant moves, but I won. Just barely. We parted on amicable terms and that was the end of the chess club's meeting. I'm definitely playing again next week. Who knows, maybe I'll actually become decent at chess! (haha. when pigs fly)

I'm a follower. All the way.

So, one of my friends started a blog today (http://multicolouredbutterflies.blogspot.com/) and I found out another friend has had a blog (http://stupiddecisionsanonymous.blogspot.com/) since forever. (though that one is relatively new) Then my Creative Writing teacher was espousing the virtues of writing journals and such and then reading them later to see how far you've come and I was like, "that's...kind of an awesome idea." So here I am.

And here's some amateur poetry for you to suffer through!

Okay, this poem was inspired by the county famous (to borrow a phrase from my friend) Writers' Corner and the poets there who read their depressing (but awesome!) thought-provoking poems. Part of the reason I dislike poetry is because a lot of the stuff I read is depressing. (and yet i'm writing poetry. oh the irony!) I can only take so much gloom and doom. But I realized that these writers are trying to draw attention to real and pressing issues, to cry against injustice and stir people to do something about it. So I began to wonder what that said about me, that I'd rather not hear about these true, sad and uncomfortable realities. Thus, this poem. I've titled it "What do I know?"

When you come up here
to expose the harshness of life,
I sit awkwardly in my chair
and try to empathize.

Because what do I know
of sorrow and pain?
I'm just a privileged white kid
with the world on a plate.

What do I know
of the man who comes home
to tell his kids and his wife
that they have to go?

Because he got laid-off
and the bill collectors take all they can.
He can't get a job,
no one wants a Mexican man.

What do I know of hunger and sacrifice
as parents starve quietly
to let their children eat
the last grains of rice?

What do I know of love
or of heartbreak
when a man beats his lover
instead of stroking her face?

How can I say "leave him"
when I've never loved?
Never felt the warmth of his skin
or his kisses, soft as a dove.

What do I know of prejudice
when the worst slight I get
is the cry of "weird" and "freak?"
No one mention my skin.

I've looked in the mirror,
wishing to be skinny, pretty and well-liked.
But never wanted so bad
that I'd pick up a knife.

I've called myself fat
and there is too much on my plate.
But I've never stopped eating
or thrown up to save face.

I've thought that the world
would be better without me.
But never popped the pills, stepped off the bridge
and left my loved ones behind me.

I'm afraid of the pain.
I love food too much.
I'm not ready to die
and I hate throwing up.

In my little world, abuse and neglect
have never been rife.
Listening to your words, I realize
I must lead a charmed life.

I have been called kind
but now I wonder, "Do I even know what that is?"
Because it seems that I use that word to hide
my true callousness.

I offer apathy at best,
judgement at worst
but I wasn't there.
I only know what I've heard.

So when you come up here
to expose the harshness of life,
I'll sit awkwardly in my chair
and try to empathize.

And as you speak
I'll try to let you sow
the seeds of truth in my heart,
because what do I know?